three. six. five.

i saw this stuck to a window as a boarded a train last year. accurate. very.

Snapseed 10

as twenty nineteen draws to a close, i sit here and can’t help but to reflect on the last three hundred and sixty five days that have gone by. as cliché as it sounds, its matter of fact. at the beginning of this year i apologised to the world for not being vocal and set my new years resolution to write more. this is my outlet for my thoughts, inspirations and even my frustrations. that said, i wrote nothing – well, actually i wrote a lot, but mainly drafted and never really got round to posting. i ask myself why? in all honesty i am not sure of that answer as of yet. there are times when i feel like talking and others when i don’t. this year was one of those times where i didn’t.

so realistically what has happened? well for starts a whole year passed within about five minutes and i cant really believe it. my last post i said that 2018 (was so tempted to write that out in full) was an amazing year for me and i wanted to bring that energy into 2019 with the manta of ‘self love is sanity not vanity’. i set out that i was going to find myself again and focus on me and my #insta basically. well i can say that i didn’t really do any of that.

still managed to do all this though!

i lost myself for a long time this year, who i was and what i believed in. unbeknown to many i hit rock bottom for a little bit and really found it hard to come back. there was so much going on and changing around me and i don’t think i was keeping up. my life got a lot busier, crazier, and a lot more stressful. for me it was learning to adapt to that. i realised at my lowest that some people who i thought were my ‘ride or die’ were just not there for me anymore. reevaluating relationships was a hard one for me this year. some of the best ones are gone sadly but needed for my own sanity. friends drift apart and there are just some people that i used to know.

for now, this is as true as ever. 

spend money. change your hairstyle. sell your old clothes and pursue your new style with the money you get from it. be strong. be patient. get drunk if you want to, but not every weekend. buy a chocolate bar every week when your favourite tv show is on. take hot baths. wake up early. start jogging. write. find a friend who will listen to you and don’t stop until you find it. study. read. make your instagram cool. write some more. get that damn piercing. buy bath bubbles and bath more. adore your body. shave, for yourself. book flights for next spring. write this day down, write it all down. cry. finally feel some homesickness. learn to be in silence. learn to stand being alone. drink lots of coffee. get ready for christmas. feel smart at school. spend a weekend alone. take lots of selfies. eat chocolate while watching reality tv-shows. meditate. stretch. Learn ballet. buy overpriced coffee. learn to be with yourself.

How I Got Better

there has been some positives for sure! it’s now been over two years since i relocated from newcastle to manchester for work, and it’s really paid off. in june of 2019 i celebrated a promotion, and reached one of my goals of becoming a head of department by 30 (yes i’m thirty this year). i want to say that i am really settled in now, work wise maybe? i got to do so much travelling this year, for both work and leisure. i became a plant person, a little obsessed if you ask anyone. here is to a new year of clear vision, a happier mindset and more than likely more schloss photobooth pics.

hello twenty twenty.

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